- Practice the universal Loving Kindness (meditation) exercise on p. 93.
- Complete the Integral Assessment discussed in chapter 11 (p.115).
- Describe the exercise and assessment process. What did you discover about yourself? What area have you chosen to be a focus of growth and development? Why? What are some specific exercises or activities that you can implement to foster greater wellness in this area?
I had a hard time practicing the universal Loving Kindness meditation and the Integral Assessment this week. First off, it was hard to follow the directions and read at the same time. So, I recorded myself reading it. Then I couldn't focus because of how weird my voice sounded. Then, I finally started to get past the weirdness of my own voice to really focus on what the Loving Kindness exercise was about. I felt like I could really understand what I was saying. For me, repeating these phrases was like saying a prayer. So I prayed for freedom from suffering, and sustained health, happiness, and wholeness for myself and all those around me. I discovered during these prayers that I truly do want these things. I felt myself praying with deep emotion for this peace to come into this rotten world.
Then....I couldn't decide what part of myself needed focus of growth and development. Is it psychospiritual? Biological? Interpersonal? Worldly? I came to the conclusion that I need growth and development on all of the above. Next, my dilemma was which one do I need most? I tend to over think most things and this apparently was not going to be any different. I found myself drifting off to the different areas of my life that I need to improve. Not the just areas that need improvement. Areas that I, me, myself, need to make improvements on. First let me say that I have a wonderful life. A loving and devoted husband; A super awesome, respectful, funny teenager (how many people can brag on that?!); A ridiculously sweet 10 year old boy who loves his mama with all his might; A precious little 3 month old muffin with an adorable gummy grin that I am so blessed to be able stay home with; and two cattle dog fur children who greet me with crazy enthusiasm every day. So with all these blessings, I feel almost unworthy of them. The things that matter most to me are seemingly perfect! So that means that all of the improvements that need to be made are within myself. I need to nurture my relationship with Jesus, to grow closer to Him for not only myself, but so that I can be an example to my children. I need to get healthier and back in shape, for myself, my husband, and again, that I can be an example of healthy living for my kids. I need to nurture my friendships, especially when I can tend to be a hermit and seclude myself from those that care about me. I need to work on following through. When I start something, I need to dedicate 150% to finishing the "mission" as my husband, Captain Nettles, would say. :)
The more I contemplated these things in prayer or meditation, the more I realized that it mostly boils down to loving myself. Loving myself has always been difficult for me. If we were to get into all the psychological reasons for it, which we won't, it makes perfect sense. I have come a long way from the lost, abused, insecure little girl I once was but I still have a long way to go. I think that continuing on the path that I am on and incorporating more exercises like meditation into my daily life, I will learn to love myself thoroughly and in turn, the areas of my life that need improvement will begin to fall into place. I feel so much love in my life and I love so fiercely that it's hard to imagine that I have a hard time loving myself. I have a God who sacrificed so much for me! Focusing on Him through prayer and meditation will continue to help me heal and allow me to fully enjoy all the blessings I have been given. :)
Hi Jo,
ReplyDeleteThe reading was hard for me too, but then I realized that there is a recorded version of it in doc sharing. :)
I love that you noted it was hard for you to focus because you thought your voice sounded weird. :)
I think we can all use a little focus in all those areas. I like that you have a goal to become healthier not only for yourself but for your kids, and to lead them by example. It is easy to set a goal for yourself, but following through can be tough, so I wish you the best in following through with your goals. I also know what it's like to become a "hermit", as I have found, since starting school, that it is so easy to do when you have obligations. Everyone's got their own reasons for secluding themselves, and we just have to find ways of breaking out of that zone, and how to keep marching on.
Donna
I really enjoy reading your blog and we have a lot in common. I am working on loving myself and when I start to have negative thoughts enter my mind I say something positive about myself and I also pray that the devil needs to just leave my mind and my home. I also feel that building a stronger relationship with God will also help me love myself more, so I have been spending more time in prayer and reading the bible each night. When we can love ourselves it seems everything just seems to fall into place. The verse that comes to mind is Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
ReplyDeleteHave a great week
Hey Johanna, first off you do deserve those blessings and don't need to feel unworthy because you don't need to earn them. They are gladly given to you by God simply because it's his nature to bless his children just like you would your own child. I liked that you were honest enough to say you weren't sure which areas needed growth the most. It's easy to make it seem like we have it all together, but the reality is every human being breathing can become better in all of these areas, so to me it's about deciding to pursue excellence every single day that is a mindset we choose to have and develop skills that can change the lives of others and then ours in the process as a result. Even mindfulness can be a skill that develops through consistent practice. You mentioned loving yourself fully being a challenge. You are not alone. I believe most problems in relationship stems from lack of self-love. Eventually we treat others how we see them and we can't see them differently than how we see ourselves. I like to say "how we hear is how we are, until how we hear makes us better." I do believe the world could change dramatically if we took daily meditation time because it would calm us despite stressors, which we create in our own minds at times, and it would help us connect with our spirit and mental condition on a regular basis. In my other class I've been doing visual imagery exercises all day! It's nice to take a mental break from responsibilities and imagine people, places, and things that stir up youthful passion, peace, and joy.
ReplyDeleteWell Jo I can say one thing, your outcome made me feel a lot better about mine! I really struggled with it too! It was difficult to do and even though you still struggled with it, I think that was a great idea trying to record your own voice reading it so you could try that route. However, I know that if I were to do that, I would have the same result because I do not like my own voice on recordings; it has always sounded horrible to me. I also struggled with making the decision as to what area I needed to work on, and oddly enough I came to the same conclusion that you did. I like you finding myself feeling that I am not worthy of my amazing family but deep down inside, we know that we do and we must remind ourselves that as often as we can! Great insight on your experiences this week, thank you! :o)
ReplyDeleteMrs. Rogers